Campaign 2004 II

Bush's senior political advisor, Karl Rove is at it again...

Here are the main plans for Dubya Campaign 2004:

1. Successfully invade and occupy Iraq
--- Indeed this is a ratings booster. If they do find some crazy killing stuffs somewhere in the desert, Bush's inaugural will consist of, "Ah saids it to y'all so! Jackass U.N. Wusses! We dun mess 'roun' - in T-Teahxisss." as he points away from the capital towards the Washington Monument. This wouldn't be so bad, except the Monument would be west of him, the U.N. would be north. Should such an inaugural happen, I plan on attending. Arrest may ensue. (No need to worry, Mom, he won't win.)

2. Raise $200 million for a massive television campaign blitz
--- Do everyone a favor, and give this money to college students in need of some extra financial aide. Besides, he can get all the free advertising he wants on state-run Fox News.

3. Accept Republican nomination on September 2nd
--- We all know why this is... It has a close chronological relationship with September 11th. To frustrate the matter more for Democrats, the GOP convention is to be held in New York City as a lead-in to September 11th remembrance festivities. I can see the video montage now:
...
People crying, bleeding and running as a building collapses.
Fade into Bush on top of a pile of rubble rallying workers.
Fade into Bush addressing a joint session of congress.
Back to live feed of Bush walking from backstage holding Laura and Dicky's hand as he takes the microphone from his introducer, Nancy Reagan and says, "We STILL stand united!"
...
As if using 9/11 we seek vengeance unhealed wounds excuse wasn't bad enough as a case for two wars, apparently its fantastic material for personal political gain. Can't say I blame him. This will also be more than a month after the Democratic convention. From acceptance to election day, you get to spend $75 Million, the Bush camp will get to spend that in a much shorter period of time.

4. If all else fails - wag the dog
--- If things go south in pre-election polls, Bush can redphone Tom Ridge and have him increase the terror threat level to "RED - SEVERE." Thus all the liberal folks who live in densely populated areas that would actually have the chance of being attacked by terrorists don't go out and vote. Those Bush faithful in Nebraska where there is nothing to worry about will vote in record numbers.

Yes, I know, I'm brilliant. I should work for Bush. I could get him reelected solely with number 4. You just watch, this was entirely my own idea. It will show up all over the liberal webwaves (look there, another new cool thing I made up - webwaves.). Anyway... In my honest, nonpartisan political scientist (and no, I'm not yet qualified to actually make this sort of opinion) opinion - this is a recipe that equals fear. The Bush administration obviously sees their domestic faults and aggressive foreign policies as issues that can make this election a disaster. If not a disaster for Bush, it probably will be for Republican congressmen.

Read the details about the plan

P.S. The Brewers Suck. SportsCenter highlight commentary: "Richie Sexon running the bases like a racing sausage, PLAY AT THE PLATE! Even though it looks like his hand got under the Pudge tag, everyone, of course, is against Milwaukee. He's out."

Posted by mbare at April 23, 2003 02:02 AM