Over a game of poker last night at Ross's house:

Brenda: Ok. 5 card draw, black jacks and kings wild...
Mike: All black jacks and all black kings or black jacks and all kings?
Brenda: All black jacks and all black kings.
Tom: So... All black men.
Ross: OH! I'm out.
(laughter all around because Ross is a racist)
Rob: What is this? Blacks gone wild?
(more laughter)

From ESPN:

Toast of the town: Uecker
Before the July 24 game, Hall of Famer Bob Uecker received a tribute from the current Brewers players. Manager Ned Yost summoned Uecker to the clubhouse, where he was presented with a Brewers jersey with his name and No. 1 on the back, as well as autographs from the entire team. The club also had a cake and a quick toast for Uecker. "I was taken aback by that," Uecker told the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. "I wasn't expecting it at all, so it was nice. The guys all took a swig of champagne, then they went out and won the game, so that was good, too."

I was at the Mobil station across the street today, and after finishing filling up (Speaking of which, why the hell is gas still $1.57/gal? I thought some of this war stuff was about getting cheaper oil?) the pump said, "Thank you for stopping at Mobil."

I figure it should really say, "Thank you for gasing with us."

or "Thank you for wasting your time and money" at Miller park, Milwaukee, WI.

Anyway... Brewers pitcher Glendon Rusch... 17 straight games without a win. Many of them have been no-decisions. Guh. He's got a .344 OBA (opposing batter's average). Somebody should really do something about him being a starting pitcher in the Major Leagues.

P.S. Brewers suck even though they beat New York Mets 4-3

Quote of the Day: "What could one possibly write for mbare.com
'I'm a democrat, that means I whine a lot whenever I don't get my way, and blame everyone but myself for the worlds problems....bagels are cool.'"

It is 2:50am.
I need a new laptop and printer.
I need to go on a real vacation.

By demand, here's the Sausage Race Video. Go to the site, then click "cable modem" or "standard" under the first "trouble is brewing" from the right side.

Funny read! Take a look at this ESPN Police Report on Sausagegate.

"Soysage"? -- Good grief.
"Baseball commissioner Bud Selig declared the race "a tie" -- as is tradition for all controversial events at Miller Park." -- Ouch. :P

Looks like he won't be going to jail. Doh. Here's the complete Sausagegate wrap-up. $432 fine? Booooo.

Go ahead and take this Sausagegate Poll. Its quite amusing. My answers: B, B, A, C, C, A. And... umm... Veggie Dog? I'd gladly hit that one with a bat. :)

Oh boy. Simon sez, "I'm going to jail."

I saw the whole thing from row 4 of section 128. I'll testify, your honor. Italian Sausage comes out of the left field fence. I say to Melissa, "I think that one is a girl." Italian Sausage takes the outside track and nears the Pirates' dugout and then......

Melissa says, "Nah, that's not a woman. Those are some masculine arms."

......

BAM!

Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon hits the poor Sausage on the back of the head with a bat and sends it to the ground. Another Sausage tripped over the fallen comrade and did a neat little Sausage roll.

My friends didn't see the bat incident, but the weird usher who sat down near us for the extra innings didn't believe my story. He asked what I had been drinking. "Pepsi, see?" as I showed him my $1 throwback priced soda. I stuck to my sober story and he stuck to sitting there pestering me.

Turns out I was right. Here is the ESPN version.

Good thing I picked bratwurst to win. He didn't notice the two sausages on the ground and kept running.

Why the hell would you smack a running Sausage with a bat? Grr. What's worse? Both the hurt Sausages were women. Never hit a girl, jackass. What a great game.

Scarabaeus zambesianus is a picturesque scavenger that feasts on the tasty droppings of elephants.

"Although, to our knowledge, this is the first description of an animal using the Moon's polarisation pattern as a nocturnal compass, this ability may turn out to be widespread in the animal kingdom," the biologists say.

Amazing I say. Here's the Yahoo article. Though it seems odd that they wouldn't navigate from poop pile to poop pile. Why make things so difficult? What do the learning disabled beetles do? Why eat dung? So many questions I could come up with.